You were a baby once.
I know this is a strange topic sentence for a politically-charged letter, but I don’t actually want to talk about your “politics”.
And I’m surprising myself by this: given this seems like a magnificent opportunity to launch into some anti-MAGA dissertation, bolstered by the myriad of nails you continue driving into the coffin of this planet’s natural environment. Fossil fuels, national monuments, administrative corruption... there is no shortage of quantified material you have provided to expose your vast and pale belly as full of greed and irresponsibility.
But plenty of people walk down this road of polemicised condemnation - let’s face it, you’ve made it very easy - so I’m choosing to walk a different road here.
You were a baby once. Weren’t you?
Despite our desperate technological desires, we still all start as babies, and no matter how very evil you may seem to many, I don’t think you were born that way. I don’t think human beings work like that, we’re not just born as goodies and baddies.
No, at some point you were fresh. A blank slate! Ready to have the values of the world embossed on your soul, according to the contexts in which they were exposed to you. So what happened??
Ahhh, the purity of happiness seemingly exclusive to the premature brain... I mean can you remember the simple pleasures of when you were a kid? The joy of playing with toys, the joy of sunshine after rain, the joy of sugary pulp arriving to your mouth like one of the many aeroplanes you now own? Or did you simply never experience joy like this?
Yikes, suddenly I find myself pitying you. Maybe the only “joys” in life you have ever known have been facilitated by disconnection, selfishness, leverage. Being a “winner” among losers. Hmm. Because if that’s the case, are you really to blame for being the monster you turned into?
You see, Donald, I’m trying to grant you the concession of a simple law of humanity here; we are all the ongoing products of our environment. Perhaps you never saw light, so your destiny was only ever dark.
The point of me writing to you is that despite having just produced the words above, I refuse to believe that you are beyond redemption. I refuse to believe you are beyond light! It seems to me that you have spent a lifetime cloaked in the tightest and darkest shadows that exist in this dimension. I don’t know how many of them you have truly chosen, but I do know that none of them are impermeable. And until your little bottle of pills runs out - or a violent psychopath gruesomely expedites the process - and your time in this dimension is officially exhausted, it’s not too late to change.
It’s not too late, but I think you know that, don’t you.
I look at your creative talent, your inconceivable level of success, and I think this is all part of your grand plan. I mean who would intentionally write their name in the history books next to Hitler’s? Not even an idiot would do that, let alone the brain behind your fate and fortune.
Nope, I think with the life you’ve led - simply playing the cards you were dealt like the rest of us - you’ve composed the most powerful demonstration of light the world has ever seen, to make sure no one need experience the level of repression you endured. You’re thinking big, and your nobility is breathtaking.
As the world’s biggest enemy, you have very cleverly created an opportunity to become the world’s biggest hero. An absolute master stroke.
I’m firmly interpreting this as the intended future to your past and present, because it is a level of genius that only Donald Trump Jr. could script for himself. Play the system, gain access to the most personal and public resources humanly possible for one individual to claim, then redirect it all towards solutions in the name of human beings. Become the most popular, significant, successful “world leader” that the history books have ever and will ever see. Bigger than Ghandi, bigger than Jesus, WAY bigger than Obama.
Yep. Total genius!
You’ve climbed to the top of the world’s attention and the gloriously unprecedented, global- adoration-gaining U-turn is on the horizon. I can see it, I can feel it.
What a journey. Your ascent hasn’t been easy, and you continue to endure more hatred than any other human before you. A level of perseverance that is all the more impressive in this, the age of A.D.D. and attention-traps in all directions.
But therein lies a gut-wrenching paradox; a devastatingly compelling plot twist right before the climax! With your focus waning in the face of the ever-unpredictable 21st TechnoCentury, I’m worried you’ve gone off the rails by accident and deviated so far from your destiny as saviour of the world that you’ve forgotten all about it. I’m worried you’ve relaxed into your intellectual security with one too many diet cokes, and you might actually miss the unique window you’ve crafted, even though it’s wide open and gaping right in front of you.
So I suppose this letter is something of an alarm clock then?
REMINDER: engage final stage of life plan, save world.
Yours faithfully, admiringly and sincerely,
Sydney, Australia, EARTH.